The HU, HAO and WEN of XI’s Disappearance: Reflections on My Cup of OOLONG
(A satyrical view of China)
UPDATE (Sep. 16): XI’s BACK!!! Xi has apparently reappeared, as reported by the Wall Street Journal HERE. But– would you trust the Communist Chinese government? Not I. I’m keeping a close watch on China. ARE YOU?
ORIGINAL REPORT (Sep. 12):
This afternoon I became increasingly concerned over the mysterious absence of a short and plump Communist Party of China (CPC) official with ruby-red lips—none other than vice-president Xi Jinping— who is expected to take over China’s reign of terror, after Hu Jintao.
Having lived under Communism—and as one who follows China closely, I know full well how Xi can evaporate from the CPC, if party officials decide to stick Xi in the steamer. In China, disappearances can happen in a matter of seconds–as quickly and quietly as a Bao dumpling being swallowed by elite members of the CPC, during their weekly Dim Sum.
In the course of my investigation, I contacted the office of three prominent CPC members who I felt could calm my fears over Xi’s mysterious disappearance.
The first person I turned to is Hu Jintao, President of the PRC. Hu was too busy reviewing documentation after last Sunday’s meeting between Wen Jiabao (Prime Minister of the PRC) and Sebastián Piñera, the President of Chile, as signators of the China-Chile Free Trade Agreement in Vladivostok (East Russia). Chile and China are aiming for a strategic partnership that will double their trade in three years. China has sharpened its chopsticks and will take a stab at Chile’s infrastructure construction– and will work with Chile on developing transportation networks in Latin America (gulp!). Chile has joined a growing list of nations that are bypassing the US Dollar to trade in renminbi. You’ve got to hand it to those loyal “friends” of ours down South– either members or indirect collaborators of the Marxist São Paulo Forum. While we see Europe twisting in the winds of Socialist financial misery– it is only a matter of time before China steps in with an attractive bailout– with the condition that the Europeans get paid in renminbi.
But let’s get back to Hu, Hao and Wen.
Hu’s politbureau informed me that Xi has not “disappeared”—that he is under “supervision”. As such, I was quickly ushered to Hao Mingjin, who helps Hu as Vice-Minister of the Ministry of Supervision—and to Premier Wen Jiabao. Hu, Hao and Wen‘s bureaus denied any “disappearance”. I was further informed that in matters involving the “supervision” of a CPC official, Hu leans on Hao, who helps if and when Wen is busy.
How can Hu, Hao and Wen deny Xi’s disappearance?
After all, Xi‘s bureau has cancelled meetings with Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton, Singaporean Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong– and a depressed bunch, claiming to be part of a Russian delegation. It is also speculated that Xi cancelled a meeting with Helle Thorning-Schmidt, the Danish prime minister– whom I’m sure kept herself busy with other Socialist endeavors– such as reaching agreements with the Red-Green Alliance.
But let’s get back to Hu, Hao and Wen.
Finally, after much back and forth between the three bureaus I was told that Xi appears to be getting some much-needed rest in the remote region of Motuo, with the Menba people—where Xi is
waiting for the snow lotus to bloom. I asked if I could contact the local CPC official in Motuo. There’s a slight problem. Motuo is quite remote and requires crossing a flimsy 200 meter-long suspension bridge, over the Himalayas.
Should we be worried about Xi? Well, approximately 40 years ago Lin Biao, who was then expected to take over the leadership of China, died in a mysterious air crash. His death was not made public for two months. The list goes on– not to mention the thousands of Chinese citizens arrested and detained every year, accused of being “disruptive” to the government– many of whom disappear. After all, China is a very big country.
But there have been even more recent events that are cause for worry. China’s missing ruby-red lips, Xi Jinping –and his friend He Quoqiang, who is the Secretary of the Central Commission for Discipline Inspection, have both allegedly been involved in traffic “incidents”. Are Bo’s henchmen involved? We are talking about Bo Xilai— China’s former charismatic heir apparent, who is in an “undisclosed location” accused of unspecified / possible violations of party discipline, including corruption, abuse of power and other “misdeeds”. Meanwhile, Bo‘s wife, Gu Kailai, waits in prison after a suspended death sentence, having admitted to the murder of a British businessman.
Could the reflections on my cup of Oolong be signaling a revolution in China’s central command? There is a buzz on the censored Chinese internet that Bo’s clan is challenging Beijing’s hierarchy. Hu, Hao, Wen. Xi, He, Bo– and even Gu surely know.
And now the big Gong. When the other Chinese silk slipper drops– should I be asking Hu, Hao or Wen?
Copyright © 2012 Marielena Montesino de Stuart. All rights reserved.